October 27, 2013

Another tough week recovering from Chemotherapy.  Fevers for the past three days, severe bone pain, chest pain.  I cried a lot this weekend.  Happy, sad and painful tears.

The girls and I were invited to www.salonsorellafranklin.com on Friday and Hannah and Izzy were spoiled with headbands and then each got pink extensions for Breast Cancer Awareness month put in their hair.  Then they got to have sparkly matching manicures.  They were so excited!  The owners and all their staff then presented us with an envelope of all the proceeds that the salon made for the month of October, from the clients that all got pink hair extensions in support of me!  The stories were awesome to hear of all the local Franklin sports teams going in together and getting their “pink” in support.  None of these people even know me and my family and I are just so grateful for the wonderful people out there.  It has been amazing, the people that have shown their love and support.  They even gave me a beautiful matching hat and scarf.  Thank you to Salon Sorella and the town of Franklin!

On the other hand, I’m not going to lie.  I had a lot of time alone in bed this weekend, and just cried hysterically.  I hate that I am sick.  I hate that I can’t go for a bike ride with my kids.  I hate that Breast Cancer runs my life right now.  It’s almost like I can’t do anything without asking permission from my disease.  I have to CONSTANTLY take my temperature.  I have pain altered with chills altered with just plain suckiness.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I am positive and never let my kids see me cry, but I am not a machine.  I HATE that my kids have to see me sick.  My kids will now bring up past stories and add “remember when we did that, you had long hair then, Mom.”  My kids are so brave and so adapted to me being sick, its crazy.  They automatically know if I need an extra 10 minutes in bed or if I need my legs rubbed from the bone pain.  They just take care of me and they shouldn’t have to, they are too young to have to take care of their mother and it kills me that they are put in that position.  Its just not fair.

This is not a negative post, just a reality post.  This is my reality, Stage 4 Terminal Breast Cancer.  37 years old.  2 kids under the age of 5.  I covered the happy and sad tears and obviously the physical pain tears.

So the real important stuff about the weekend: Scott, I and all 4 kids had a wonderful weekend, lots of quality family time spent this weekend.  Sunday night is winding down with happy people and smiles.  We are all excited about Hannahs 5th birthday this week.  She will be 5 on Halloween, I just can’t believe it!

I’m going to bed with a fever but hoping to wake up with a great start to a wonderful week. I wish you all a Happy Halloween Week!

Lots of love, Jessica

Also, please check out these amazing women that I have had the pleasure of meeting and how they have come into my life and how they have offered to help my family and I.  It just goes to show you how absolutely amazing people are and it is what helps me stay so positive.  My family is obviously the numero uno thing that will never let me give up, but I have to add that the love and support from friends and complete strangers 100% definitely helps me stay as positive as I am.




October 22, 2013

Another successful trip to Beth Israel.  I am VERY grateful to Sarah and Emily for sticking it out with me, it was a long day for everyone, we got home at 7pm from the hospital and went left at 10:30 this morning!  They were awesome and kept me very distracted from the painful burning and hardening of my veins as my 3 chemos were being infused…one at a time.  I love them and cannot thank them enough.  It was the first time that Scott wasn’t around for a Chemotherapy and I think the nurses missed his antics more than me! But I did miss him a lot!

Good news from my oncologist: my primary breast tumor has shrunk from over 5 cm to 1.5 cm at its longest measurement.  I get my liver scans on November 5 and my team is so thrilled with my response to these drugs.  She also told me that my labs last week showed that my liver functions were normal and if a doctor just looked at those results without knowing I had a ton of tumors swimming around in there, they would have no idea that I had cancer.   My breast surgeon has no interest in seeing me for another 9-12 weeks, she wants to make sure I have at least 6 rounds of heavy Taxotere before we talk about scheduling the surgery.  I am okay with that, I would prefer after the holidays anyways.  I also met with my genetic counselor today, she is fascinated with my case because of my age and my lack of family history.  They are going to try and figure out, to the best of their knowledge and resources, why I have Breast Cancer.  It just doesn’t make sense and they will try to get me an answer but then again I could be in that percentage bracket of never knowing.  The one awesome thing about all of the genetic testing that I will have (November 11) is going to benefit my sisters and my daughters.  There are so many more gene mutations that I am being tested for besides the BRCA1 and BRCA2.  There is not a lot of research and studies at the moment but I am being tested and by the time my kids are old enough, the research will be there and they will be 1000 steps ahead of the game.  Because of my age and my diagnosis, I am eligible and SO THANKFUL that I qualify for this testing for the sake of my babies. It means, prevention and/or early detection for them.

I feel like I just had poison dumped in me, but I am staying ahead of the side effects.  I will double juice and drink 4 liters of purified water a day and not let this take me down.  Everyone is healthy in my house (because of the little bubble I keep them in) so there are no viruses that will kick my ass.  Life is good and I am very happy, thankful and grateful.  I feel so blessed to have such wonderful people that have my back!

October 21, 2013

Oh my gosh, it’s been so long since I have blogged! Tomorrow is another Chemo day, man, it went by fast!  After my last round of Chemos, I came home to both little kids sick!  The worst possible scenario for me…no immune system to fight off anything against TWO croupy coughs and snotty, sneezing noses.  Of course, I immediately got a fever that night.  My orders from my oncologist are if I run a temperature over 100.4 degrees F, I must call immediately and then go the doctor/ER, no matter what time of day it is.  I am at a high risk for a blood infection and also a blood clot in my lungs and these could be life threatening for me if not treated right away.  Sooooo, to make a long story short, I flirted with 100.5 until Friday, then reached 100.7 and ended up at Beth Israel on Friday.  I went during business hours so I was able to be seen on the oncology floor and didn’t have to deal with the ER.  As soon as I got there I had my usual chest X-ray to rule out a clot or pneumonia and then went for my blood work to check my counts and see if I had a blood infection.  The initial blood work is done right in front of me, they mix my blood to check for infections in different serums and glass bottles.  As I am getting this done, I just lose it.  I can’t see or hear anything.  I was unresponsive and from what I found out, they alarms went off on the floor and people came rushing and even asked if they needed a crash cart.  My eyes were open but I was as white as a ghost and just completely unresponsive.  They immediately got me on a gurney and put a line in me and got me down the hall and literally poured fluids into my veins.  I was dehydrated.  My chemo and the virus that I was trying to fight off had left me severely dehydrated.  Dehydration is also life threatening for me.  Poor Lisa had taken me to the hospital and was probably on the verge of a stroke as she witnessed what was going on.  Thank god Scott was not there, that would of definitely killed him, he does not have the stomach for that kind of stuff.  Good news is I got to go home that night.  My fever stayed at 100.7 for the next 24 hours and then I was fine.  Scott was so sweet and slept in the living room with me, sitting up in the chair to make sure my fever didn’t get worse.  He’s the best.  The next day is when I stuck my feet in the sand and made the decision to go completely vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free.  No more crap.  I juice greens everyday and I drink about 3- 4 ounces of wheatgrass everyday, which is like hooking up my immune system to jumper cables.  I feel 300% different with this lifestyle change.  Now, I am obviously still very sick and feel sick and still have pain, BUT the decrease in my physical symptoms is incredible.  I could not be happier.  My oncologist called me the other day to say Hi and check on me because she hadn’t heard from me and said I sounded like a completely different person when I answered the phone.  Have I mentioned that I absolutely love my oncologist.  I told her what I was doing and she was so thrilled. 

The past three weeks have been incredible.  Jessica Small and her bosses and colleagues at Salon Sorella in Franklin have been showing their love and support for me with their pink hair extensions for Breast Cancer Awareness month and I have been getting some awesome picture of the girls on Franklin sports teams with their pink extensions.  Its just so awesome!

I had the pleasure of meeting the wonderful ladies from MetroWest Bootcamp.  They offered to work with me and they are huge supporters of this cause as they all know someone close to them or have personally experienced this awful disease.  They do wonderful things for people and feel so grateful to have met them!  Check out their website www.metrowestbootcamponline.com !

I was surprised by some wonderful gift/care packages from my grade school friends and My family and Scotts family and friends have been sending things for the kids and making dinners and spoiling everyone to take their minds off this terrible twist in our happy little world.  I just want to thank everyone, from all of us!  The messages of positive thoughts, hopes and prayers are truly remarkable and I believe they are working. 

Scott left on a business trip tonight.  He wont be home until late, late Thursday night.  This is the first time he will not be sitting next to me while I am hooked up to my Chemos.  I am going to have a little Chemo party tomorrow with Emily and Sarah who had offered to take me in and hang out.  They are so thoughtful to take the time to do this, it is very emotional to have to watch someone go through this. 

I actually went out last Friday night with Scott and my friends for Emily’s birthday.  This was the first time I had been out, it was so nice to be social and be with them!  Of course, my body told me when I needed to go home, but I had such a nice time celebrating with Emily and gang.  Josh was happy that I wasn’t sneaking his drinks from him and sucking them done when he wasn’t looking, like I’ve always done in the past.  He’s probably the happiest one of all that I am no longer drinking booze. 

I finally got a wig.  It’s just like my “old hair” and was hand made just for me.  It is so weird to look in the mirror and see myself with hair.  It is also VERY nice to go out and not have everyone stare at me and my bald head.  My kids like it, which is the one thing I was worried about, I didn’t want them to be freaked out about it but the funny thing is…when out in public, my Hannah actually rats me out to people while standing in the checkout!  Telling people I have a wig on!

Back to the real world tomorrow, I am hoping to get some dates for scans tomorrow as well as some more news about the dreaded upcoming mastectomy. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful week!

Lots of love, from us to you! xoxoxo