October 27, 2013

Another tough week recovering from Chemotherapy.  Fevers for the past three days, severe bone pain, chest pain.  I cried a lot this weekend.  Happy, sad and painful tears.

The girls and I were invited to www.salonsorellafranklin.com on Friday and Hannah and Izzy were spoiled with headbands and then each got pink extensions for Breast Cancer Awareness month put in their hair.  Then they got to have sparkly matching manicures.  They were so excited!  The owners and all their staff then presented us with an envelope of all the proceeds that the salon made for the month of October, from the clients that all got pink hair extensions in support of me!  The stories were awesome to hear of all the local Franklin sports teams going in together and getting their “pink” in support.  None of these people even know me and my family and I are just so grateful for the wonderful people out there.  It has been amazing, the people that have shown their love and support.  They even gave me a beautiful matching hat and scarf.  Thank you to Salon Sorella and the town of Franklin!

On the other hand, I’m not going to lie.  I had a lot of time alone in bed this weekend, and just cried hysterically.  I hate that I am sick.  I hate that I can’t go for a bike ride with my kids.  I hate that Breast Cancer runs my life right now.  It’s almost like I can’t do anything without asking permission from my disease.  I have to CONSTANTLY take my temperature.  I have pain altered with chills altered with just plain suckiness.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I am positive and never let my kids see me cry, but I am not a machine.  I HATE that my kids have to see me sick.  My kids will now bring up past stories and add “remember when we did that, you had long hair then, Mom.”  My kids are so brave and so adapted to me being sick, its crazy.  They automatically know if I need an extra 10 minutes in bed or if I need my legs rubbed from the bone pain.  They just take care of me and they shouldn’t have to, they are too young to have to take care of their mother and it kills me that they are put in that position.  Its just not fair.

This is not a negative post, just a reality post.  This is my reality, Stage 4 Terminal Breast Cancer.  37 years old.  2 kids under the age of 5.  I covered the happy and sad tears and obviously the physical pain tears.

So the real important stuff about the weekend: Scott, I and all 4 kids had a wonderful weekend, lots of quality family time spent this weekend.  Sunday night is winding down with happy people and smiles.  We are all excited about Hannahs 5th birthday this week.  She will be 5 on Halloween, I just can’t believe it!

I’m going to bed with a fever but hoping to wake up with a great start to a wonderful week. I wish you all a Happy Halloween Week!

Lots of love, Jessica

Also, please check out these amazing women that I have had the pleasure of meeting and how they have come into my life and how they have offered to help my family and I.  It just goes to show you how absolutely amazing people are and it is what helps me stay so positive.  My family is obviously the numero uno thing that will never let me give up, but I have to add that the love and support from friends and complete strangers 100% definitely helps me stay as positive as I am.




2 thoughts on “October 27, 2013

  1. Jess,
    As I read this post, I cried many different kinds of tears. Tears of sadness that you are afflicted with this horrible disease, tears of familiarity, having had a sister go through exactly what you are going through and dealing with all the same pain and emotion, and tears of pride for you and the positive way you are dealing with all you are going through. May God give you strength and watch over all of you. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. Amazing, love the story about the people from the salon ! Nice to know there are lots of kind people out there. I’m glad you got a good cry out, like you said you are not a machine, I can’t even imagine how it would feel besides guessing that it’s scary and horrible….you are doing all the right things to help you and hopefully you will start feeling better from chemo in a few days- get it over with now so you can celebrate your daughters bday and Halloween!! Keep up the tough fight Jess…lotsmofmthoughts and prayers to you and your family!!!

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