Ok, so as Scott does so well with updating on our lives, I get the easy part. Me. Chemotherapy every single Monday. Some days I want to go and some days I don’t want to go. Some days having breast cancer is fine some days I wish I wasn’t so sick anymore. I need to have a total of 9 infusions of the current cocktail I am on before they scan me to see if it’s working. Tomorrow will be #8 and then in a week from Tuesday I get my brain, abdomen and my total bone scans all in one day. Wednesday I might have a stroke waiting for my results.
As far as how it am doing…like everyone else, I have my good days and bad days. My neuropathy is pretty bad in my hands that they had to dose reduce one of the chemos because they don’t want me to have a disability this early in the game. Last week, I got my dose reduced by 10%, which as you can imagine if you know me, I was not happy and I fought it. I hate not having feeling in my fingers but I hate more when they take my medicine away (which has happened more than once because of my inability to tolerate the side effects). Half of the time, my vision feels like I am looking through a kaleidoscope and my eyelids are constantly twitching which is so annoying. One of the chemos I am on makes me retain water and I cannot take a diuretic to help me get rid of the water because my blood pressure is too low. I got pulled off the steroids to see if that might help, but it didn’t. Sometimes the swelling is so bad that it hurts to even walk. Poor Scott has to help me put on those compression stockings, which is like stuffing a sausage through a straw and I have no feeling in my fingers to grab them and pull them up. I have random bouts of nausea but I have been able to control it without it taking me down. I still have extreme fatigue and weakness but I have to push through this, if I let the fatigue take over, I quickly lose the strength I need to take care of my kids and what needs to be done. My anxiety got the best of me a few times over the past few weeks with the holidays and what not, but we made it and everyone is happy!
I am overcome with such a wonderful feeling about people. The amazing people (family, friends and complete strangers) who have gone out of their way over this holiday season to make sure that my family and I were taken care of. My kids have had such a tough year and have been forced to grow up a little quicker than the average because they have lost the mother that they have always known. They deserved to have nothing more than the best and that’s what they got from all the love and support and generosity. I will never be able to thank everyone enough but please know nothing goes unnoticed or appreciated here.
I’m hoping to get through the next week and a half with no major events and some good news to start the new year off. Something has to give, I’ve yet to have one of these scans with good news and I don’t want to take anymore steps backwards. Staying positive is not always as easy as it sounds or seems but everyday I find a way to do it.
I wish you all a Happy, Healthy and Safe 2014! Much love, Jessica