Alright, so today was a perfect example of why life is good. My daughter had her first dance recital that she worked so hard for. She’s been practicing since September and today she nailed it. She was so proud of herself and I was beside myself proud of her. Another day when I completely forgot that I have terminal cancer. Just a great day all around which makes for a good life. I have a good life. I have what is important right now. I realize that it can be taken from me at any time, especially if I give in to it, but right now I have it all. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have freaking Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer. It sucks. Unlike most people, my body and my mind don’t work together all the time. My mind wants to be “normal”, get up and function like a normal, healthy 37 year old but my body says “Hell, no” sometimes. My joints will literally not move. This is a side effect from 2 of the meds I am on, they are stripping the estrogen from my body which also strips the lubrication from my joints. I have pain from the back of my skull all the way to my ankles, especially in my hips and legs and sometimes it hurts to even walk. On these wet crap days, my bones hurt so much I feel like I am 100 years old with severe arthritis, I am just so stiff. In my life, there is always a reason to get up and out of bed. Besides the fact that I have responsibilites, I have my days to look forward to. When I have my bad days, I have Scott to pick me up, sit me down and lecture me. And, by the way, he is not nice about it. He will yell at me and put me in my place and, to be honest, I usually deserve it. I don’t own the right to be negative about my life being cut short. I owe my kids and my husband the life that I commited to, they deserve everything that I can give them. I am so lucky and blessed in that respect. I have so much love and so much to be thankful for, I really can’t complain. The old saying “Life is too short”, is quite real for me and my family. Those aren’t words that are used lightly around here and we never take anyone or anything for granted. As I watch and listen to my children everyday, I am so proud of who they are. They get “it” already. They know what is really important in our lives. It’s still okay to cry about the broken crayon or misplaced toy, they are not machines and they have been asked to grow up quicker than most. They are so smart and they are not embarrassed that their mother is different than everyone elses. They will acknowledge that I am “different” but they are proud of me and love me just the way I am. I know that I am teaching them what is important and they are going to make the world a better place.
I know we haven’t posted in our blog in awhile, it’s been busy. Getting settled and into a new groove in our new home. We had a wonderful Easter! The holidays just get better and better with us, making more memories and forming new traditions.
As far as my health, I am still on my four maintence drugs right now…Herceptin and Perjeta infused through my port every 3 weeks, Femara every day and Lupron injections every 4 weeks. The tumor in my breast had shrunk over the winter, down to about 1 cm. It is now at about 3 cm. We may have to get on some heavy chemos and zap it down. I am having all organ and bone scans on May 13 to see what is going on and my oncologists will decide the treatment plan then. My tumor markers are climbing. I am still “stable”. People ask me why I haven’t had surgery yet, especially if the tumor is growing in my breast. Truth is, I’m not a candidate for surgery right now. Too many tumors in my body. Metastatic breast cancer means the cancer is in my blood. If I get to the point where the tumors are shrunk and my liver is “sterile”, then I will be healthy enough for surgery.
Now…this is very exciting…my husband has been putting in quadruple time at work, busting his butt. Always working, never home. It has paid off. Big time. As you know, we got married on a Wednesday, took an hour and then went back to our business as usual. Scott has earned an all expense paid trip to Spain for the two of us. All expense paid trip to SPAIN. Next Month. Yep. We get a honeymoon.
Happy May everyone! Love, Jessica