ok, so I’ve been silent for quite some time. No real reason, life gets busy and I am taking in every moment I can and living my life, not just surviving. I had my 20th Natick High School reunion just after Thanksgiving which was great! It warmed my heart to see some beautiful faces and give some much needed hugs to people who have gone above and beyond for me. It made me feel so good to be able to see people face to face and say thanks for the love and support. I admit I was a bit nervous going, I have no idea why, but I am so happy that I went and thank you again to everyone who extended their well wishes to me. Here are some snapshots from that fun night…
I then began my prep for Christmas. I was so excited! You see, while I stay pretty positive about my life and my fight with Cancer, I also know that my chances of not being around next Christmas are greater than the chances of most people I know. My doctors have not told me that I have a year left to live, but I have terminal cancer and a compromised immune system, I never forget that. I never forget that a year and a half ago, I was given a slim chance of being around for 2 years! That mindset doesn’t run the show, I promise you that. The mindset that I DO have is to make damn sure I leave a legacy for my kids. As any parent would want for their children, I want them to know that my life was all about them. I started this blog as a baseline. I keep daily journals and letters for them. It may be a line or two at a time, but I am old school and I like paper. I like paper calendars and snail mail. My husband hates that I love paper and tries to make everything electronic, it drives me crazy. The kids and I will just sit in front of my laptop and snap hundreds of selfies. I print them all out. I make albums for each of them and also albums for them to share. I keep EVERYTHING. I make binders of all their school work and art work and let me tell you that is a lot of freaking paper.
Christmas was wonderful for our family! It was perfect for us and I’m so blessed to have been able to make the memories. My family is why I do what I do. Hannah and Isabel both go to Christian schools. I am so proud of the education that they get, they believe in God, they believe in Heaven. They believe. They pray. They were both given the honor to play the role of Mary in their school Christmas musicals. One proud Mama over here. Isabel even had a solo!
As far as my health and how I am doing, I have Stage 4 Breast Cancer. I. Hurt. Everywhere.
I had a nasty virus a few weeks back that really threw me off. It took 2 different antibiotics and over two weeks to get over but I made it through without a hospital stay. Thank God. I have found ways to boost my immune system and keep my white blood cells fighting for me with my raw diet. If I miss a day of juicing pounds of greens, Kombucha, Tumeric juice, Elderberry and lots of lemons and ginger then I feel like crappola. Honestly. I’ve put so much time and effort into finding a daily intake regimen that allows me to function like a “normal” person. I can’t tell you how often I hear “you don’t look like you have Cancer” or “you don’t look like your on Chemo” and I don’t mind hearing those things. I don’t want to look like a cancer patient. I’ve been there, I’ve gotten the looks. I don’t get the looks anymore, I’ve got this crazy hair growing on my head. I wear my wigs now because 1) my head and neck are cold and 2) I’m trying to grow my hair out for as long as I can while I can. Izzy says I look like a “funky man” with my new hair. She’s the best.
Today is January 2, 2015. Wow. Just WOW. My surgery is February 2, 2015. I have 2 more chemo treatments before my surgery and I’m getting nervous. I meet with my doctors on January 12 and I will have some final details after that.
I have to extend a huge thank you to the teachers and parents at Izzy’s school. You know who you are and what a tremendous act of kindness and generosity you extended to my little baby and our family. My family and I are truly blessed. I know there is a bigger plan than I have seen the blueprint for and I trust in that. Thank you.
I miss Sarah. Yesterday was a year that she passed. She didn’t lose her battle. She was a warrior. She gave me the strength that I use to fight every day. She is my angel. She is guiding me everyday. I remember last year, when I couldn’t wrap Christmas presents because my neuropathy was so bad in my hands, she told me what to do to help. I still go back to all those texts and notes all the time and I am so thankful because of what we shared together and I feel honored that I was the person she chose to mentor and guide. I will fight for her until there is no fight left.
I woke up on New Years Day and I honestly felt like a different person. I felt like I was ready to take on the world. 2015…..LET’S GO!
Life is so precious, my friends and family. Be kind…..and stay tuned for some updates.
I love this picture for so many reasons. Just everything about it.
Much love xoxo