My liver hurts today.  I don’t know why this happens, I’m sure it has to do with the fact that both lobes of my liver were flooded with tumors.  But, they aren’t visible on scans right now.  I’m sure there are some residual cancer cells lingering in my liver, who knows…Scans can only see so much.  When my liver hurts like this, it’s very difficult for me to sleep at night.  You see, my port is on the left side of my chest and my liver is on the right side of my abdomen (under the last 3 ribs or so).  This means that I can’t sleep on either side without severe pain and I’m stuck trying to fall asleep on my back.  Now, keep in my mind, my entire thoracic spine, lumbar spine and right side of my tail bone all *had* tumors which have shown to be treated on scans but the pain from the bone metastases is still there.  Which leaves me with no comfortable positions to try and fall asleep. I join the insomniac club when this happens.

When my liver pain flairs its ugly head, Scott makes me this liver detox tea and it helps.  The only problem is it is a DETOX tea so it is also detoxing my kidneys and I have to pee every 3 minutes for 12 hours straight.  Maybe too much information but this is what my blog is for.

I have metastatic breast cancer.  I fight everyday.  I’m ok  with the fight everyday.  I’m not afraid of the fight, I’m not afraid to die.  I am afraid of leaving my kids too soon.  I’m afraid that they will miss out on the life that they deserve, the mother that they deserve, the love that they deserve.  They are so strong and so brave and I am so proud of the big-hearted little people they are.  They have been forced to grow up fast and they have seen more in their young years  than most adults.  They are going to be mountain movers when they grow up.  They are both destined to do something great.  I know that everything happens for a reason and  someday I will know why I have been given this battle to fight.  I don’t want to be a pioneer, I just want to do the right thing.  I want my children to be proud of their mother and I want them to know that my life and my purpose is/was for them.

this is an image of the girls and I, right  before I started chemotherapy and lost my hair
this is an image of the girls and I, right before I started chemotherapy and lost my hair

One thought on “

  1. I know it’s easy for all of us to say, but keep battling. Your girls already know the amazing woman and mother you are. Friends who know you know that and those of us who are meeting you through this blog know that. You inspire us all. I wish for you a better day today and more better tomorrows.

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