Okay, so I just had to do a backtrack to figure out where I left off.  My goodness.  Here is a quick rundown in (semi) chronological order.  Turns out my port was busted and frayed and leaking.  Toxic drugs were leaking out of the tube into tissue instead of going to my heart, totally explains the pain I was having for weeks.  The pain from the cracked port is gone.  Thank god, that nightmare is over.  I hate my port so I am very sensitive with the issue.  My biggest fear has always been that it would /will get infected, I never thought that it would crack.  Anyways, they told me that if they opened me up and discovered that it needed to be replaced, they would put a new one in my jugular vein (up my neck), I said 100% No.  I told them to just remove the broken one, close me up and I would schedule an OR time with my surgeon to have one placed in the subclavian where I had my previous one, even if it had to be on the other side.  They even gave me the option of having one in my arm.  For those of you who knew Sarah, she had one in her arm and always told me she liked it better there.  I contemplated that. They ended up being able to feed the new tubing through the tract of the previous one and put a new port in pretty much the same location as my previous one.  I definitely got knocked on my butt for a couple days and there was no way around just laying there and recovering. I did not want a catheter sticking out from under my skin up my neck, not for vanity reason, only for the reason that it would have totally freaked out my kids and if I can avoid anymore traumatizing things to them when it comes to my cancer, I will do just that.  So, the new port seems to be working just fine! I still hate that I need it for the rest of my life.

First treatment with new port!
First treatment with new port!

We then took a family trip to Pennsylvania to visit Sesame Place and Hershey Park. So fun! We were all still talking to each other after the drive there and back so trip = successful!

I just love this picture of Hannah and Izzy loving on Ernie and Bert.
I just love this picture of Hannah and Izzy loving on Ernie and Bert.
Kids, Hershey Park, May 2015
Kids, Hershey Park, May 2015
Sesame Place!
Sesame Place!
We celebrated Isabel Jae's 5th birthday while in Pennsylvania... pretty safe to say it was an awesome birthday!
We celebrated Isabel Jae’s 5th birthday while in Pennsylvania… pretty safe to say it was an awesome birthday!

Then came some milestones for the littles….

Hannah graduated K5 at MetroWest Christian Academy. So proud!!
Hannah graduated K5 at MetroWest Christian Academy. So proud!!
The future is bright...
The future is bright…
Izzy's Graduation from Pre-K at Holliston Christian Preschool :)
Izzy’s Graduation from Pre-K at Holliston Christian Preschool 🙂
Graduate!
Graduate!
So Proud!
So Proud!

And then comes our unbelievable trip to Moorea, French Polynsesia, Tahiti…

I had chemotherapy on Friday morning and (of course) hadn’t packed for our excursion half way around the world as of then.  So, I drove myself home from the hospital and juiced a ton of Bok Choy, lemon and ginger and I instantly felt like I didn’t have poison running through my veins anymore and I got us all packed and we left Saturday morning for our trip to paradise.  The flights were so long and a little hard on me just because of the timing of my treatments but I managed fine.  We flew into Tahiti and then took a ferry over to the island of Moorea which put us on the island at like 7am.  Amazing.  Simply amazing and words can’t do it justice.

This was our
This was our “house” for the week!
Moorea sunrise, the best
Moorea sunrise, the best
My seat on our deck! Incredible.
My seat on our deck! Incredible.
This was breakfast being
This was breakfast being “delivered” to us on an outrigger canoe, Tahitian style! They came right to out deck and set up a beautiful table and everything was just incredible. They even brought me fresh green juice!!
Best sunrises ever.
Best sunrises ever.
Tahitian tans :)
Tahitian tans 🙂
Tahitian life... not much clothing worn on the island. As a matter of fact, I left 2/3 of my luggage there for the locals because I thought they needed the clothes more than I did.
Tahitian life… not much clothing worn on the island. As a matter of fact, I left 2/3 of my luggage there for the locals because I thought they needed the clothes more than I did.
I took this picture looking down through the glass window in the floor of our cabaña. Pretty sure the neighbors kept a blanket over theirs at night out of fear of the peeping Scott.
I took this picture looking down through the glass window in the floor of our cabaña. Pretty sure the neighbors kept a blanket over theirs at night out of fear of the peeping Scott.
Our Cabaña was the last one at the end of the boardwalk. The view we had from our deck was breath taking and I will never, ever forget what that was like.
Our Cabaña was the last one at the end of the boardwalk. The view we had from our deck was breath taking and I will never, ever forget what that was like.
My love!
My love!
The very last sunrise I will ever see on that side of the world... in the palm of my hand :)
The very last sunrise I will ever see on that side of the world… in the palm of my hand 🙂

We had such an amazing trip together and made some wonderful memories but we honestly couldn’t wait to get home to the family.  We returned from our trip and then within a week and a half…. bought a new home! I swear, we never stop.  I have new address cards that I have been meaning to send out, its on my list.

We have settled in just fine!
We have settled in just fine!
Justin turned 18!!
Then Ms. Courtney turned 13! Teenage girl :)
Then Ms. Courtney turned 13! Teenage girl 🙂
And then I turned 39.... Hannah was so sweet for leaving this for me, I couldn't get upset that she wrote
And then I turned 39…. Hannah was so sweet for leaving this for me, I couldn’t get upset that she wrote “Jessica”.

So this brings me to July 26, 2015. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on July 26, 2013.  I get the chills just typing about this right now.  WHAT THE F^@K?!? I got cancer?! 2 years ago?!? Let’s just leave this at this right now and thank God that I was able to celebrate another birthday because every year, I just wish for another birthday to come.  (and all the love, support and prayers… I obviously would be struggling without those)

This picture is me (on the left) at my VERY first chemotherapy treatment ever and me (on the right) pushing my 65th treatment and wearing the same exact shirt. Time to get some new clothes.
This picture is me (on the left) at my VERY first chemotherapy treatment ever and me (on the right) pushing my 65th treatment and wearing the same exact shirt. Time to get some new clothes.
Birthday Chemo :)
Birthday Chemo 🙂

And then my sidekick just turned 45…I just don’t have any pics to prove it!

So, as many of you know, I just has some recent scans (as I do, every 12 weeks).  These ones were exceptionally stressful because of my 2 year “anniversary”.  When you are originally told that you have a 15% chance to live 5 years, you NEVER forget those words.  EVER.  Do the math.  As I type this now, I still don’t have all the specific results and the follow up that is needed but I do know this => My liver is STABLE!

I honestly don’t care about any other body part right now except the freaking liver.  If my liver starts being a jerk again, I am screwed, bottom line.  So, cheers to my liver!

My brain is clear, of tumors right now, that is.  Also great news!

There are some findings in my neck and thyroid but I need some follow up imaging on that and I also don’t have all the specifics of my bone scans yet, but I am not too worried at this point.  My bones hurt all day, every day, so hopefully the tumors are behaving themselves and staying under radar.

There is no manual to living with metastatic breast cancer.  We write the script as we go, and no two are the same.  The support groups I have found are amazing and I am so grateful for the love and support they provide.  The one thing we share, without question, is the stigma of “you don’t look sick”, “you must be cured”, you can beat this”, “you don’t look like you have CANCER”.  Sometimes it gets frustrating to explain why I don’t look sick and sometimes I feel like I have to justify why I have hair on my head now.  I will always have breast cancer, its never going away but I can be “stable”. The nature of metastatic breast cancer is progression.  I am prepared to expect it.  I’m hoping I have some more time before that happens but I’m prepared.  I feel pretty good, not too much pain.  I don’t get into all the side effects of my chemo drugs, but I do have them and I have figured out how to manage and live comfortably with them.

I have been spending a lot of time researching and getting mentored with Essential Oils.  The ones that I have been working with have had a tremendous positive impact on my health as well as my family.  I may have become a little obsessed but for the little ailments that rear ugliness around here, I have been able to soothe them with oils whether its topically, diffusing them, spraying them or ingesting them.  That is a whole other blog post, along with some of my juicing recipes that people keep asking for.  I will have a lot of time on my hands when the kids are all back in school and that is when I plan on getting into depth about some of the things that we do around here.

Be well! Thanks for all the love and support. I meet with my team on Monday before I have chemo treatment so I will have more to offer after that visit! xoxo

word.
word.

So, awhile back I was looking for someone who had the talent to crochet mermaid afghans for my babies. It was a project that I knew wasn’t going to be easy but it was something I had to have done for my kids. The response I got was incredible and my babies had such the surprise of going to Chat Noir to get their nails done and got presented with these AMAZING mermaid afghans!!! The two women who made this happen for my children were complete strangers and I met them for the first time today and I honestly cried the whole way home because my children have been through so much. Jillian and Emily, I will never be able to put in to words what you have done for my children but please know that we are so grateful and you have made my children feel so special and that is the most important thing in the world to me. (By the way, these aren’t just blankets, they are like sleep sacks and the kids legs are actually inside the mermaid tail, they are AWESOME)

Emily with the girls and their blankets.
Emily with the girls and their blankets.
So happy!
So happy!

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